The other day I saw something horrific. Something so disgusting and so vulgar that it should be removed from society. Neither children nor adults should be subjected to such brutality. It was so horrible in fact that it has taken me several days to come to grips with it and even begin to put it into words. I will attempt to do so now.
On a recent trip to the grocery store for a few items, I made a stroll down the magazine aisle. I am a magazine reader from time to time and thought I'd see if anything looked to be worthy of a read. While I am not a regular subscriber or a monthly reader, I do grab an issue of Bon Appetit every now and again if something in it catches my eye. While I can mind my manners and enjoy gustationally snobby meals at uber fancy restaurants with overpriced food, I am more at home with simple yet tasty creations. I have four kids in my house for crying out loud. So I am not in Bon Appetit's target market, but I do add new recipes to the repertoire from time to time and I like seeing how the other side thinks food should be at every meal I suppose.
However, on this particular day, I saw that the July 2012 issue of Bon Appetit was paying homage to the lower class. To the street urchins who generally satiate themselves with fast food or ingredients in their home cooked meals that are not organic or farm-to-table. Instead, it was the annual grilling issue and the cover shot was a plate full of sticky, sweet ribs. As the pitmaster of a professional BBQ team, I scooped it up and headed to the checkout. No need to pre-read anything as this issue was certainly for me.
When I got home and got things put away, I flipped straight to the ribs article. After all it was the cover story and was billed as "Amazing Ribs!" The subtitle below read, "Simpler and Tastier Than You've Ever Made." So how could I go wrong? I certainly didn't think it would change my competition recipe or somehow be a life altering experience, but as I flipped to page 50 there was a bit of anticipation. A bit of excitement that perhaps a new tip or technique would be found.
Right then, my heart sank. I began to read in earnest and my stomach started to turn. I will not subject you to the article as I feel strongly that every copy of this issue should be burned to save all of humanity. When schools talk of banning books like The Catcher In The Rye, this issue of Bon Appetit should be with it. An ole fashioned book burning is in order. Why? What has me so alarmed and upset about a rib recipe?
Tell me how, Bon Appetit magazine, a trusted source for recipes, culinary news, and cutting edge cuisine that caters to the rich and famous (or at least those who view themselves as rich and famous), could possibly publish a rib recipe that calls for you to BAKE the ribs in the oven for 2-3 hours, let them cool completely and then just throw them on the grill at the last minute to char them up. Just like any good sleazy infomercial though, the article says, "but wait, there's more." As if they haven't done enough damage by telling people to take the lazy way out of cooking and not actually smoke the ribs, they go on to double your offer on laziness and tell you to brush on some store bought sauce as you put them on the grill to char them. And what sauce do they believe is the perfect combination of flavor for the ribs? Not a homemade sauce. Not a locally sourced sauce crafted by a barbecuer. Nope. Their sauce choice is Kraft! Kraft?! Are you kidding me?
I put down the magazine then and was done. What more is there to read? Instead of teaching people the value of spending some time to slow smoke ribs or at least cook them completely on charcoal outside to impart some smoky flavor, they tell you to bake the ribs and to put Kraft BBQ sauce on them. This is epicurean cuisine? This exemplifies a truly American dish? Sadly, I think it does exemplify American cuisine a bit since we are all getting a little older and more than a little lazy.
Do me one favor please. At some point in your lifetime get access to a smoker or a Weber grill. Fill a chimney with hardwood lump charcoal and light it. Let the coals get hot and spread them evenly on the grill. Make an actual dry rub with spices like paprika, garlic powder, chili powder, cayenne pepper and others. Slather a little yellow mustard on the trimmed rack of ribs, spread the rub on generously and smoke those ribs. Cook them for 4-5 hours at 225-235. Wrap the ribs up for an hour in the middle of the cook with some honey drizzled over them and a nice handful of brown sugar spread around. Put them back on the grill and finish them off by glazing them with a homemade sauce or a BBQ sauce made by someone other than a multi-national conglomerate. Have a couple of libations during the process. Tell me which ribs are better. Ones you spent hours slow cooking to have a smoky flavor beneath the savory heat of the rub and the sticky, sweet finish of the sauce. Or the ribs, Bon Appetit would have you bake in the damn oven and then slap some crappy sauce on.
While they don't say it in the article, I am sure Bon Appetit would be more than happy to advocate that you go ahead and lie to your dinner guests too and let them think you smoked them on the grill. After all you did char them out on the grill at the end. That magazine and all of their pate eating, wine tasting editors should feel shame, but they won't. I am beneath them. My clothes smell like smoke and I stand over a hot fire to cook something that takes patience. I guess I am just not meant to read their articles anymore. I'll let you decide what the magazine does for you.
